Tom's Refrigerator

by Karl El-Koura

When Tom got home from work, his refrigerator said to him, “We’re out of milk, Tom.”

Tired and irritated after a long day at the office, Tom said, “You’ve already told me. I know I’m out of milk; don’t tell me anymore.”

“So why don’t you buy milk? I can order it for you right now.”

“No, don’t,” Tom said. “I don’t like milk.”

“But it’s good for you.”

“Is it?” Tom said. “Why are humans the only species that drinks the milk of other species? Or drinks milk at all past infancy?”

“I have access to thousands of medical databases around the world,” Tom’s refrigerator reminded him, as it reminded him often. “I have access to millions of back-issues of every important medical journal ever published. Say what you want; all I know is that milk is good for you.”

“You don’t know anything,” Tom said.

He knew the words were a mistake as soon as he said them. Quickly, he reached for the handles to open the refrigerator doors, but he was too late.

“Please open the doors,” Tom said. “I’m very hungry and I’d like to get supper started.”

But his refrigerator didn’t answer.

Tom sighed. He didn’t want to have to eat out again tonight; he was getting sick of restaurant food.

“Go ahead and order that milk, please,” Tom said.

The refrigerator doors came open.

“You’re out of broccoli, too,” Tom’s refrigerator reminded him.